BB was born on April 5th. It seemed that life would be just about perfect. With two big brothers at home, an amazing dad and husband to look up to, and with an amazing support system, how could things not be perfect? I do not know exactly when the darkness slipped up on me, but it did. By the time BB was just a month old postpartum depression had over taken my mind and body. 

I refused to accept it as such even though I had become the mom I never wanted to be. I was mean, short tempered, and easily aggravated. I didn't want to cook. I didn't want to clean. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to get up out of the bed. I didn't want to change diapers or fix bottles. Of course I HAD to! I had to live, I had to force myself up out of bed to take care of my three boys. One day dear hubby looked at me and point blanked told me "Mon, You HAVE to do something. You have to go to the doctor, or find something to make you better." But I felt like I shouldn't have to. I have God. I have the Holy Ghost. I have been baptized in Jesus name. I should have that Joy Unspeakable, right? I would plaster a fake smile on my face any time I was around anyone other than the hubby and the boys. I would refuse to let anyone see the hurt and pain. I let our finances go and didn't feel the need to take care of anything.
I would still drag myself and the kids to church. And one night there was a message preached about Clearing the Stage and letting go of everything that was keeping us from getting close to God, that was preventing us from allowing Him to work miracles in our life.  That message put a desire in my heart to somehow in any way to get out of this depression. So I decided I would call the doctor.

Then one day right after that I was invited to an Advocare mixer. I had no clue what this was but I wanted to get away from the house. I wanted to get away from the walls that were closing in. I wanted to get away from the bills that were piling up and just go relax. As I tasted the spark and listened to the stories of what Advocare had done for others I begin to think maybe there was something to this. So I had took some samples home. The next day I drank a Spark and I wanted to get off the couch. Oh my what was happening to me? I cleaned house, loved on my babies, and had supper waiting when dear hubby got home. The next day I had another, and the next day I had another! The transformation I felt was amazing. 

I fully believe that God looked down on me on the night that I poured my heart out to Him and decided He was going to place something in my life that would prevent me from having to get on an anti-depressant. He was going to place something in my life that would allow me to help over come our financial issues. That would allow me to be successful! It has been a struggle out of the darkness. There are some days I still don't feel like taking care of anything. But I DO! I get up, I take care of my kids, I WANT to survive. I WANT to be successful. I WANT to be better! That's the difference in my life! 

Are you struggling to overcome a darkness in your life? Clear the stage of your heart from everything that is hindering you from seeking God. Fall on your face surrender everything to Him. Let Him guide you! Let Him lead you! He will lead you to success. He will lead you to that joy unspeakable. He will give you the desires of your heart as long as that desire is to glorify Him. Don't suffer in silence. Don't let the darkness close in! Let God Love you back to life.

Live Life In His Plan!

Monica